Some time ago I was in a valley of life that was comparatively shallow to the others I’d experienced as an adult. Although, that never matters when you’re in the valley. Being there can consume your thoughts if you let it, no matter how deep.
“Why is this happening, God?”
“Bless this food. Amen.”
Like so many, these were the extent of my prayers as my relationship with the Lord was contingent upon the circumstances around me.
A short time into that season, a potential job opportunity fell into my lap that seemed almost too good to be true, too perfect to be chance. Needless to say, I perked up real fast.
The interview process lasted a few weeks and (not so) coincidentally I found myself spending more time in prayer than I had in quite a while. Looking back, I have to wonder what God was thinking during this time. I wouldn’t blame Him for rolling his eyes.
“Dear Jesus…oh precious, holy, sweet Jesus…you are just so good to me, Jesus…I love you….Jesus….”
As a kid, I would always become very verbal with praise for my parents when I wanted something like a trip to the arcade or when I didn’t want something that was going to happen anyway, like a spanking.
“…Thank you for this day…and this daily bread…forgive my trespasses…your love endureth as those…as those that trespass against me…”
(Using “endureth” showed Him I’d been reading my Bible, and it was an effective method for trying to butter Him up.)
“I want this job, Jesus. I thank you this job is mine! Thank you, Jesus. Hallelujah. Jesus. Amen.”
I hadn’t practiced it in awhile, but I decided to dust off my Name-It-and-Claim-It theology for this special occasion. It certainly seemed to be working. I confidently killed my interviews and all signs pointed to me getting an offer. I was making arrangements to move and saying goodbye to friends before anything was truly official.
However, after a week, there was one big problem. I was waiting for a call to confirm I had the job but it hadn’t come yet. Two weeks went by and then three. The department head never took the time to contact me. Human resources didn’t respond to me. A 180-degree shift occurred and I had no idea why or how.
Shock, outrage, sorrowful—my emotions covered the gamut of hurt and disbelief.
I returned to my valley, this time so deep that I wore constant disappointment on my face. My heart ached and stomach twisted into knots Boy Scouts couldn’t untie.
The toughest question of all was, “Why?”
Why had such a seemingly perfect, God-sent opportunity come along? Why did I have to come so close to escaping my valley only to have hope ripped away from me? It was hard to say much to the One who claimed to have all the answers but had teased me and left me in despair.
“Why is this happening, God?”
“Bless this food. Amen.”
Six months later I heard through the grapevine that the company had reorganized and the entire department was laid off. Had I taken the job, I would have found myself in a new city, unemployed. I fell on my face in humility that night.
“Lord, forgive me! You are so good to me.”
I’ve learned a lot since then, but I took an account of the last few months and to be honest, it’s been a little more difficult to pray cheerfully lately. I’m constantly battling frustration and with it, I find myself in a valley where my joy is constantly captive. The thought came to me last night,
“Give up on life. You’re in too deep to get out.”
It was loud. It was real. It began to make sense. I went to sleep, exhausted by the torture of fighting this cloud that hangs over me.
I awoke this morning, went to my balcony, and I prayed. The calm, morning breeze brought with it a peace that dripped over me until it consumed me. My Father reminded me of that similar time not so long ago that He protected me, even when I didn’t quite understand it at first. I realized all the “I want” prayers were fruitless. I’ve begun a new prayer, one that is difficult at times.
“Dear Father, when it comes to [insert concern] let Your Will be done. Align my heart with Yours.”
At times, it goes against every fiber of my being that feels like I know what’s best for me. Nevertheless, I endeavor to make these prayers louder, stronger, and more constant.
He’s here with me in my valley and His Heart is for me. May my heart be for Him.
*Photo credit: bokeh burger
