{Editor’s Note: Single guys are in the minority in many of our churches today, and it doesn’t seem to matter how big the church is or if it has a singles ministry or not. This is the second in a series of occasional posts created to dialogue about what single men in church have been experiencing in a variety of congregations.}
James Brown recorded a song in the 1960’s entitled “It’s a Man’s Man’s World.”Our houses of worship seem to tell a different story.
Women, especially single women, seem to outnumber men in churches across the United States.
I have lived in Houston, Texas, for 15 years, and in that time, I have worshiped and served in two church bodies. One meets the definition of a megachurch and the other—the one I am currently serving with—is a bit smaller.
Being a Caucasian male, I am not typically viewed as a minority.
However, being a single man who is actively involved in his church does cause me to fit into that category from time to time. I do not know actual statistics around this issue, but I know what I see on Sunday morning, and it usually involves handbags, jewelry, and a variety of shoes that make most men scratch their heads in disbelief.
So what about friendships with females? What do they look like for this single man in the church?
Some of those relationships, which inevitably change at some point because of shiny rings, white dresses, and sacred vows, are just as precious to me as the ones I have formed with other guys. There are some things that only other men can affirm and call out in a dude; but let’s face it, guys, we all appreciate (and dare I say need) a female perspective on life. And I am not talking about the proverbial “female touch” in a home—although their houses do smell much better than ours usually do.
I am talking about the sensitive heart of a woman.
I am talking about the nurturing they provide to the Body of Christ in a variety of ways. Building friendships with godly women definitely serves to draw me closer to the Lord because they reflect Him in their own unique ways.
Even though women tended to outnumber men in both of my communities of faith, I have been blessed beyond measure with male friendships, both single and married, that have served me remarkably well over the years.
The men I have in mind as I type this have truly rejoiced with me when I was rejoicing, and many of them have wept with me when I have wept. We have carried one another’s burdens and celebrated victories together.
Such God-honoring friendships are not always easy for men.
We tend to be the more stoic sex—keeping our emotions and feelings to ourselves. Our friendships trend more to the surface than the depths. Given the perception that there are fewer of us, finding these soul-edifying relationships can be tiring and difficult, but I think the key is being willing to take a risk and be the first one to open up. That has been my M.O., and it has worked out well for me.
The bottom line is this: My experience in the minority of single men in the church has been extremely positive.
I don’t claim to understand why I have fewer brothers than sisters, but I know that I am thankful for all my spiritual siblings—no matter what chromosomes they may carry around.
Other posts in this series:
Single Men in the Church [Part 1] : Where My Boys At?
Single Men in the Church [Part 3] : The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter
Single Men in the Church [Part 4]: Absent Without Leave
Single Men in the Church: Some Final Thoughts
