I recently read the Single Roots article, Single Men in the Church: Where My Boys At? This is no new topic to me, as it is brought up around me constantly. From my single friends. From my married friends. From my pastors. All the time.
The male author, however, was expressing his frustration in terms of not having single friends to hang out with. I wanted to shout at my laptop, “How do you think we feel?!?” Then, grace came over me as I thought about the wonderful friendships God has given me in my single girlfriends. I do not even know what I would do without them. I could see where the guy was coming from.
His post made me think: If guys are starting to notice and even feel the lack of quality men in the church, then we really have a problem.
For some time, I found slight comfort in the fact that maybe it was just my church that, for whatever reason, had a lack of single men in proportion to single women. This year, however, my circle of friends has expanded beyond the walls of my church. I have met some wonderful, beautiful, and single women from churches all over the community. The story is the same for them.
So then I thought, “Maybe it is just the forsaken state of California.” Every time I wake up and look out my window to see sunshine in the middle of “winter,” I contemplate moving back to Seattle. This little weather issue, in combination with the fact that there seems to be a lack of godly men in San Diego County, causes me to really contemplate moving to the beautiful Northwest.
I keep in touch with my friends in Seattle and have realized that they are experiencing the same predicament. So then I just decided it was a West Coast problem. This theory fell through once I started blogging about being single. I have gotten emails from readers on both coasts and several states in between. I have even gotten en e-mail from a single girl in Singapore.
This is not a city, state, or national problem – it is a global issue. It is the product of a culture that has chosen to have fun and indulge in instant gratification, instead of honoring the Lord.
In light of that information, it would be easy for me to give into fear and label the situation as hopeless. I do not have a solution to the problem, but what I have is Truth and the comfort from a loving Father and a sympathetic Savior.
The Truth is this: The purpose of my life is not to be a wife. It is not to be a mom. It is not to be married. For the longest time, I was convinced that my purpose consisted of being just that – it was all I ever wanted.
To be truthful, being a wife and mother is still my greatest dream. I hope and pray that someday those desires will be fulfilled. However, if I allow myself to believe that was the only thing I was meant for, then what does it say about me that I am not yet those things? Does it mean I have failed? That I missed the mark? That God skipped out on me? No, because my purpose in life extends beyond that of what I do for a job, who I marry, or how many kids I have.
The good news is that I do not have to wait until I get married and enter the world of motherhood before I can start living out my life purpose. My purpose in life is to know, love, and glorify God. That’s it.
I can start that now.
{Editor’s Note: Jenny’s post is in response to a series we featured last spring on the stories of single guys in the church. You can read that series here: Single Men in the Church, Part 1: Where My Boys At?, Single Men in the Church, Part 2: It’s Not a Man’s World, Single Men in the Church, Part 3: The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter, Single Men in the Church, Part 4: Absent Without Leave.}
Jenny LaBahn has a heart for singles who are trying to find their way in a world of pairs. She is a hair stylist and English Lit major who eats fishies (Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers—yes, the ones that are served in pre-school) every single night and keeps a large box handy by her bed. She blogs at http://www.mydoubleportion.
Photo credit: bokeh burger
