I had a healthy imagination when I was a child.
My default imaginary world took place after school in my mother’s classroom. It’s where I perfected my handwriting and my teacher look, complete with the impeccably arched eyebrow.
Later as I was an adolescent and learning to cook, I would often pretend I was Julia Child while I was helping in the kitchen. All we had was PBS, so it was Julia or the Frugal Gourmet. Easy choice. These days, I’d pretend to be Paula Deen instead, y’all.
Even now, I love to sit and people watch and imagine the life stories of the people passing me by. They lead some interesting lives…in my head.
But as easily as pretending to live in an imaginary world came to me in childhood, I can’t handle it now as an adult. Not when real people are involved.
I see shards of this imaginary world most often in times of conflict between people.
Words spoken or careless decisions can cause pain—intended or unintended—and result in a gap or even breaking of relationships. We don’t like to address these issues because it can be uncomfortable, awkward, or downright messy, so we pretend it never happened.
If we’re in the wrong, we gloss over our guilty consciences and power through. Time heals all wounds, right? Even the ones we might have caused. Fingers crossed.
“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you…” {Matthew 18:15}
When conflict occurs and someone wrongs us, the Bible says we have two people to go to: God and the person we are in conflict with.
Many of us know the Matthew 18 Principle, but we choose other options for dealing with our conflict instead:
- We “innocently” talk to a dozen other people to see if our hurt seems justified.
- We make thinly veiled references to our frustrations on social media outlets and rally the troops to support us.
- We take up residence in an imaginary world and pretend nothing ever happened.
All the while, we’re refusing to handle the situation in a Godly manner and prolonging the growth process that will inevitably occur.
The apostle Paul, a man who was no stranger to conflict, echoes the Matthew 18 Principle in his dealing with church leaders in Galatians 2:
“I also went in response to a revelation and set before them the Gospel that I preach among the Gentiles. But I did this privately to those who seemed to be leaders, for fear that I was running or had run my race in vain.” {Galatians 2:2}
Earlier in Acts 16:22, he says, “So I strive to always keep my conscience clear before God and Man.”
Paul knew the importance of dealing with conflict in a Biblical manner because the Gospel was at stake.
Do we look at the handling of our own conflict in the same way? If our lives are to bring glory to Christ, then how we handle ourselves in response to being wronged—or when we wrong others—reflects our relationship with Him.
The outcome of living with sinful natures is that we will wrong people and people will wrong us. We’re flawed like that; it’s the beauty of the Body. Burying our heads in the sand and pretending nothing ever happened isn’t a more noble choice than talking about the person behind their back.
Choosing to deal with the conflict head on is how we grow, both personally and corporately.
The deepest relationships we’ll ever have will be forged through the fires of our sin, and it’s through our flawed togetherness that Christ is preached to the world—the Real World, not an imaginary one where everyone gets along all the time and then goes to Heaven.
*Photo credit: Wonderlane
