{Editor’s Note: This is the third in a 4-part series designed to share where Christian singles are finding community in the church. Our hope is that it will encourage those who have yet to find their place to not give up.}
Sometimes singles can contradict themselves. We often hear each other say that we want to be a part of the entire Body and not segregated into a singles group, but some of those same people will be the first to say that their married friends just don’t understand what they’re going through.
This week, we hear from people who love that their small groups are composed of married and single adults. In these mixed small groups, being around families doesn’t cause these singles to mope for what they do not have; instead, their small groups provide them with opportunities to learn from and be a part of those very families’ lives.
To be honest, doing life with people who are just like me is boring. I love being part of a small group that has college students, married adults of all ages—some with kids, some without. Within that context of our group I have the opportunity to give insight and life experience to the college students who are journeying a path I’ve already taken. At the same time I am learning so much from being in the lives of married couples and parents who have been somewhere I hope to go.
The dichotomy of our group is fun!
There is something incredibly freeing about being among friends that you can be real with. We laugh (sometimes at inappropriate things) and we cry together. When the Bible talks about bearing one another’s burdens, I have seen that lived out within the context of small groups. I love that we are different. I love that we allow one another to see our mess. I love that we sit down around the table and have dinner as a family, especially the nights I get to sit at the “kids table.” Maybe there isn’t a right or wrong way to do church—that’s not for me to decide. But, I have never had more authentic fellowship than when I got plugged into a church that had small groups. I wholeheartedly believe we were wired to live life together—to be in each others’ homes, to know what is happening in each others’ lives throughout the week and not just on Sundays. At this point in my life, I couldn’t imagine life without my diverse community (family). {KB Thomas}
I have been in a number of small groups over the years, and, much like life in general, they all have positive and negative aspects. In 2008, I started attending a church that does not segregate people according to their respective stages of life, and this was a new experience for me. The main criteria for these groups is time and location. My first group had three married couples, one engaged couple, and 5 singles. The best aspect of being in a “mixed” group like this is the different perspectives people have based on their circumstances.
The couple leading the group had a newborn child. We all got to see how they managed the responsibility of leading a small group along with the even greater responsibility of making sure their child stayed on a schedule. I remember one night in particular when the parents had to refrain from soothing their child as she was going to sleep. So we carried on with our group while the child cried…and cried… and cried. I looked over at the mother, and she was fighting back tears. I wanted them to go up and make the child stop crying, but as parents they had a different plan. They knew what they were doing, and I was able to learn from them in that moment. This is just one experience that sticks out. In addition, I get to hear from husbands about how being married is hard work, but I also get to hear about the rewards.
The bottom line is that singles can only teach other singles about marriage or preparing for marriage.
There is great benefit to having diversity in small groups, and I am very thankful for the ones I have been a part of over the years. {Todd Richards}
My church small group is diverse in every way. We’ve got long-time married couples, newlyweds, and singles. There are middle-aged adults with grown children, young professionals, and even a couple of elementary schoolers (who, of course, hang out in the back room while we adults get our discussion on). The diversity is one of the main things that I love about my small group.
Diversity brings a wide-range of perspectives that I need in my life. Building community with just singles can be great, but I’ve found that often we are all struggling with the same gunk and see life from too similar a view to be helpful to each other.
The wisdom and life perspective the range of folks in my small group offers forces me to take my “single glasses” off, even if just for a couple of hours every week.
They remind me that not everyone lives like I do. They have people who depend on them, which always challenges me to be dependable for others. They remind me that God is still at work when you get married and when you have children and when you retire, which pushes me to shut down the lies that many singles believe about marriage being some great completion of life. Besides, married people and those not close to my age are still people. Their ability to unpack Scripture, speak God’s truth into my life, and become like family to me is not any less just because they have lived twice my lifetime or have a spouse. And sometimes, they even come with cute kids who deem me super cool because being single just makes you “a grown-up kid,” as one 4 year old small group member told me last week. {Libby Gifford}
Are you involved in a mixed small group? In the comments, tell us why you love it!
*Photo credit: Evil Erin
