{Editor’s Note: This is the final post in a 4-part series designed to share where Christian singles are finding community. Our hope is that it will encourage those who have yet to find their place to not give up.}
People can talk about being involved in singles ministries and small groups, but we fully realize there are life situations that sometimes cause things to not be so cut and dried. Moving to a new town, a temporary job placement, serving on the mission field, belonging to a church that doesn’t have a place for singles, or having a network of friends who do not attend the same church you—all of these things (and more) could be reasons that the more established methods for finding community don’t work for you.
In the final post of our series, we’re sharing testimonies from singles who are finding community in less traditional ways than the typical singles group. If you’ve been struggling with or straight up rebelling against finding people to live life alongside, then maybe these stories will inspire you to think outside the box.
Yes, we talk about community a lot. And yes, we will continue to. We believe it’s biblical for everyone. But for the single adult, we know how hard it is to fight for it when you’re all alone. We’re just doing our part to keep encouraging you that your life was not meant to be lived alone.
My roommates are my first round of community, my Inner Circle of sorts. I wish I could go all Donald Miller right now and start describing each roommate’s specific neurosis and poke fun at their quirks and then explain how over the years I grew to value each of them, quirks and all. If I could, I’d include some fantastic tale about Oregon and getting arrested and how we each ended up playing a terrific role in each other’s story. The problem is, I’m no Donald Miller and my roommates aren’t weird enough for me to claim personal spiritual growth just by learning to accept their weirdness.
Normal, unforced conversations about life happen while people are folding laundry, cooking dinner, or doing some project for work.
Occasionally conversations are serious, but mostly we laugh our heads off and give each other surprisingly terrible advice about life, money, church, and hypothetical relationship issues.
I’m also a big fan of walking with friends. I don’t mean spiritually, though I’m sure that’s cool and all. I mean physically walking around the neighborhood for several miles with friends. Some of my favorite times of feeling connected to people come from being away from the house, away from crowds and phones and computers, and free to focus on walking, talking and simply catching up. Everyone needs exercise and everyone needs time with friends, it just works.
My married-with-kids friends make up the other section of my local community. Their lives are crazy busy, but they are still highly valued and completely worth pursuing. I’ve found it’s best just to force yourself on these folks. I often have to invite myself over for dinner or show up at their kids’ sporting events if I want to spend time with them. Conversation happens in snippets, interrupted by kid refereeing and diaper changing, but these friendships are important and these friends can blurt out amazing advice while washing dishes or repainting the house or whatever.
I live with people, walk with people, go to little kid sporting events and invite myself over to people’s houses for dinner. Sometimes community happens, sometimes I make it happen.
Either way, I’m thankful. {Jill Terry}
One of the best ways, at least for me, to find community is while on mission. Often we think of community and then mission, but why not the other way around? Why not be a part of a mission that requires community? As I look back over my life there is nothing that has drawn me closer to others more than going to battle alongside them. In high school and college that meant sports teams, but as I’ve grown up and grown in Christ, it’s been on teams serving the kingdom.
The great thing about missional community is that the mission defines the community, not affinity.
In my case working with youth has led me into community with people of all ages, races, places in life, marital status, and talents. Each of these people felt a call go after lost kids. When you have to work, sweat, mourn and celebrate together it brings you together—or at least it should. There is no doubt that you actually have to take advantage of it and move from just getting the work done to doing it together.
When we serve together it should force us to blend our talents, strengths, and even weaknesses. We have to deal with each other, help each other and fight for each other to keep it moving forward. In my twenty years of adulthood, the people who have stood with me the most are those who have served in the kingdom right next to me. {Justin Campbell}
When God called me into missions seven years ago, I knew I would be living in a mixed community. I had no idea what to expect. Now I live with other single women, one man, two children and a married couple—all obviously at different stages of life. Some of us have never married, one was married and then divorced, one is retired, one is a student, two survived domestic violence, one is a single parent. Living together is an act of daily surrender; surrendering your own ideals, preferences and needs—in order to do whatever serves the community (or the person in the most need at that time) best. There is also a daily stretching beyond what you think your natural limits really are!
We work and minister in unison, serve side by side on outreaches, share all food and expenses, pray, bible study and house church together, laugh and cry together. We feel at times like a colony of aliens, adrift from their Mothership (this is NOT our home), curious to passersby, outsiders even at times, to conventional church.
But there is a steady rhythm and purpose to our work, even when at a frantic pace, a simplicity and a unity that is beautiful.
All these years on, I still love my community and am profoundly grateful for being called to live and learn about Jesus through each and every one of these precious reflections of Him. {Anna Hopewell}
What ways are you involved in community apart from a singles ministry or small group? Share it with us in the comments below.
*Photo credit: Canadian Pacific
