Change.
I don’t know about you, but when I hear that word, my stomach starts doing flip-flops, and I’m immediately filled with anxiety.
Now, I know not everyone feels this way. There are some of you out there who thrive on change, who glean a sense of excitement and adventure for what change can bring. I, on the other hand, like consistency. I like routine. I like to be comfortable.
However, the life Christ calls us to often involves change—change for good even when it doesn’t feel like it’s good.
There’s the change that happens in us.
It’s a necessity that we not stay who we are today. I feel like the older we become, the less receptive we are to change. We get set in our ways. We begin to rationalize that “we are who we are.”In reality, it’s easier to stay who we are.
Changing often means there’s pain involved and if you’re anything like me, I’d rather not experience pain if I don’t have to. But, what we forget is that the pain is what molds us and shapes us sometimes. It teaches us just how dependent we are on God and how much our life is truly not our own. In the midst of it, it can feel like hell on Earth, but hopefully on the other side we can see the beauty that comes from God’s molding and kneading.
There’s also the change that happens in our circumstances.
This is even harder for me to deal with sometimes. I’m a firm believer that I should be in control of my life and what happens to me, whether it be in my relationships, my job, or just my life in general. As soon as one of these things is shaken, I immediately begin to grasp for that sense of control again.
Right now I’m days away from moving into a new apartment. It’s great! I couldn’t be more excited, but at the same time it’s different. It’s unknown. It’s not comfortable yet.
In three weeks I’ll also be starting grad school (again). I know no one. I have no idea what to expect. I wonder if I’ll be able to make friends easily. I’m nervous that I won’t be able to hack grad school after being out for six years. There’s also the financial aspect that comes with going back to school. It’s a long-term investment that will take a while (or the rest of my life) to be profitable.
The one thing that I can count on that never changes is God.
When my world around me is uncertain and shaken, I know that if I lean into Him, I’m going to be okay.
My community also plays a huge role when my world feels like it’s in chaos. They stand in the gap for me when I’m too tired to stand or when I just don’t have words to pray.
Although my community does change from time to time due to transitions in life, we serve a God who’s not limited by location. In fact, I find comfort in knowing that I have people fighting for me and with me all over the world.
*Photo credit: Solis Invicti
