Dear Eve,
It seems that we’ve had some miscommunication (again) and, frankly, it has left me confused. Allow me to explain.
If Bradley Cooper were to track down the address of your employer and leave a love note on your car one day while you were at work, you would think it was incredibly thoughtful and irresistibly hot. Should I decide to do the same thing, then I’m called a stalker.
That time when Edward and his rock-hard, albeit pale, topless body showed up in the middle of the night to tap on your window because he just couldn’t be away from you a minute longer? You found it so romantic you blubbered on about it with your girlfriends for days. On the flip side, I heard you invite a girlfriend to your Tuesday yoga class, but when you found me waiting outside afterwards, with flowers in hand, I was dubbed a big “creeper.”
We are incredibly confused by these mixed messages. When a grand gesture is made in a romantic comedy or by someone you have a crush on, then it’s submitted for consideration to the Romance Hall of Fame. Should it be perpetrated by a guy that is not desirable to you, the “creepy” label is immediately applied with little consideration of your pursuer’s motives or feelings.
If a guy is camped out with popcorn and binoculars on your neighbor’s roof listening to R. Kelly and talking to himself, call the police and report a stalker.
When turning your back to your male co-worker gives him an imaginary green light to initiate an uninvited shoulder rub, sound the “creeper” alert.
However, when a man takes the time to notice what you like and listen, even when you don’t realize he is listening, it’s time to ease up on the name calling.
I will freely admit men are not always bright. Even I, Love Doctor that I am, have done things in the past year that, not long afterwards, left me completely bewildered about the stupidity running through my head. The intoxication men experience when they fall for a beautiful woman is far greater than anything one could find at the bottom of a glass. It can and will often lead us to do dumb things.
Consider this: While you’re spreading “creeper” rumors about the over eager guy from church who sent you flowers, a giant teddy bear, and chocolates, the cute guy who doesn’t seem to have the guts to ask you out is experiencing hesitation because he doesn’t want to be labeled in the same way.
There is probably a girl down the road who would love the sweet gestures of your “stalker” but because you flippantly flung labels around, she is left complaining to her girlfriends about a lack of assertiveness in men.
With love and thoughtfulness,
Adam
*Photo credit: jonathanb1989
