Topics Discussed in Chapter 1:
- Is it Biblical to date online?
- Is online dating worth the money?
- Is online dating safe?
- Are other Christians actually finding a spouse online?
- How long should I commit to trying out online dating?
- How much money can I expect to spend on online dating?
- Skip to Chapter 2 :: Ok, I’m Convinced. Now Which Online Dating Site to Join?
1. Is it Biblical to date online?
There is an argument within the Christian culture that says one should not do anything in regards to dating. Don’t make a move; God will bring you a spouse in His timing. “They” say you’re not showing faith if you do anything yourself. And while we certainly believe that as Christians are called to live a life of faith, if you were to apply “their” argument to all areas of life, we wouldn’t need to find a job either because God would provide.
The truth of the matter is that the Bible doesn’t speak to online dating or dating in any manner. As in all areas of life that aren’t explicitly discussed in the Bible, we must approach it within the guidelines that have been set forth in Scripture.
What we see as the biggest question about online dating–as is the same issue in any form of dating–is the state of your heart. If marriage something to be pursued at all costs and in whatever means you can find, then it might be better to press the pause button on dating. Marriage is not the goal; glorifying Christ with our lives is. If your pursuit of love and marriage is getting in the way of your pursuit of Christ, then the better question to ask yourself is “Why?”.
The question of dating is always a matter of conscience and the heart. If you struggle with the idea, seek the Lord about it. Ask for wisdom and clarity. He will give it. (James 1:5)
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2. Is online dating worth the money?
We’re all about stewarding our resources well. If you’re swimming in a sea of debt, then the price of online dating is money you could apply to paying down that debt. But we also don’t want to get all up in your personal business and tell you how to manage your money.
It’s true that most quality online dating sites are going to cost you some money. Which site you choose will determine the amount, but most will cost you anywhere from $12 – $50 a month. For some people, the price is the biggest factor in determining which site to use. It’s a valid concern.
A friend once told us that he thought online dating was worth the $30 a month he was paying. The reason? He said he would easily spend that amount when he went to dinner and a movie with friends on a weekend, so why not apply that to finding other single Christian girls in the area who were looking to date, too. We agree with his line of thinking.
We know people who’ve used both free online dating sites and ones who’ve used paid ones. The friends who used paid ones found far more like-minded Christians to date than the ones using the free ones did, and they spent less time wading through junk profiles and messages from sketchy people. Paying for an online dating service has a way of eliminating many of those who don’t take it seriously.
Ultimately, you’re not guaranteed to find the love of your life, no matter what the commercials and ads say, but spending an affordable amount of money to find serious dating and marriage potential can be worth it.
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3. Is online dating safe?
According to the Second Annual State of Online Dating in America, a study commissioned by Christian Mingle and JDate in 2014, 85% of singles find online dating to be socially acceptable.
People are far less fearful of the internet than they used to be. Social media has made the entire world seem smaller. However, it’s still important to proceed with caution when meeting people online.
Catfishing is a real thing, and something we all know about thanks to a football player named Manti Te’o. MTV has a show poking fun at people who fall prey to catfishing scams, while Dr. Phil and Katie Couric have shows warning against the dangers of such.
It’s true: People can pretend to be someone they are not online. Sites like Christian Crush run background checks on their members to ensure they’re not on sex offender lists. Christian Mingle has a process to manually approve text and photos on dating profiles and is working to further develop tools to help detect fraud.
Still, with millions of users, determined criminals can find ways around safety nets. One example is people who use online dating as an avenue to run money scams. The same rules apply in online dating that apply when you log into Facebook or check your email. If someone claims to be in another country and needs money to get into the country, don’t give it…ever. Even if they’ve made you feel like you’re the most wonderful person in the world. Chances are you’ll be helping fund their kids’ private schooling in another state, or financially supporting a money scheme in Nigeria, like a Christian Mingle user from San Jose, California, did.
If your Spidey senses are alerted in the least, there are things you can do to check into the person you’re communicating with. Google Goggles is a cool app that lets you search the web so you can see if a photo has been used elsewhere on the internet. This is especially helpful if a person has been using the same photo in multiple other profiles on multiple other sites, which happens often.
And while we’re on the subject of Google, you can always search that person’s name and location to see if any red flags come up. Searching the social medias (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) for friends you have in common helps you know more about your match, too.
If you’re worried in the least, remember, you don’t have to communicate with the person. Most sites give you the option to block other members so they can no longer communicate with you.
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4. Are other Christians actually finding a spouse online?
According to the Second Annual State of Online Dating in America, 2 out of 3 singles know people who have met through online dating.
Take the SingleRoots Team for example: We’re friends with a good number of people who have met their spouses. Some lived in completely different cities, like Cindi and Steve, while others figured out that they really should’ve known each other all along. (Well, except that it wasn’t in God’s timing.)
Our friends Michael and Shelley were both on mission trips that took them to the Great Wall of China at the exact same time on the exact same day, but they never met. Their groups even met up because of people who knew each other, but Michael and Shelley never saw each other. They had several other acquaintances in common over the years, too. Shelley was even in the same elementary as Michael’s roommate. Still, they never met until they were matched on eharmony. They started communicating, went on a few dates, and eventually married.
These are people we know in real life and whose weddings we’ve attended. While it might not work for everyone, every couple we’ve talked to, who have been successful, told us it was worth the price of membership.
It’s important to remember, though, that it doesn’t work for everyone. It’s simply one more tool that is available. If you approach it with the idea that it’s a fun way to meet new people and maybe go on a few dates, then you’ll probably find you enjoy it.
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5. How long should I commit to trying out online dating?
This really is an area of personal preference. If you want the best deal financially, you should commit to several months or a year. Paying month by month, especially on a more expensive site like eharmony, will end up costing you far more than it would if you paid for several months in advance.
We also think that, while you can tell a lot from one month of online dating, committing to a 3-6 month membership is a better idea. Searching through profiles and communicating with people takes time, and the process shouldn’t be rushed. Finding a time for both parties to meet for coffee or dinner should be considered as well.
Also, if you don’t live in a major metropolitan area, it can take a while to find people who live within a distance you are comfortable with. It’s no one’s fault if there are fewer matches in your small town, it’s just a numbers game.
Again, the best advice we can offer is to enter into the process with the mindset it’s a marathon not a sprint.
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6. How much money can I expect to spend on online dating?
It’s the dreaded money question! How much for love, right? Check out our chart below for the various prices and options for each of the online dating sites we’ve reviewed. Price is a definite factor, but if the site doesn’t provide the options that are important to you in your search, then knowing that ahead of time helps you decide what price point you’re willing to pay.
| Monthly Price Range | Number of Members | Ease of Use | Christian Filters | Best Deal Link | |
| $19.95 to $59.95 Tip: How to Get an eharmony Free Trial | High | Simple | Excellent | 25% Off Any Membership! Use this link with this code at checkout: SINGLEROOTS25 | |
| $12.49 to $29.99 | High | Simple | Fair | Browse Zoosk for Free! | |
| $16.99 to $32.99 | High | Option-Overload | Good | Review your Christian Mingle matches for free! | |
| $8.99 to $34.97 | Medium | Option-Overload | Excellent | EXCLUSIVE 17-Day Free Trial! Use this link with this code at checkout: SINGLEROOTS17 | |
